Saturday, October 4, 2008

And I know it's for me that I'm out on these streets bleeding nightly for these people I meet...

My least favorite feeling, the thing I am most afraid of, the one thing I truly hate... it's all the same. It's the same every time you ask, every time I am killing time answering one of those stupid live journal questionnaires.  I don't like feeling alone. I am afraid of being alone. I truly hate being alone. I am currently... extremely lonely. 

Yes, I have been a bit of a hermit when it comes to dollar burger night and Gossip Girl night but I'm trying to save money and I simply can't make it to these events on time without killing myself to catch the train. All of this is fixable but I'm not the one who needs to do the fixing. I've asked at least 5 times in the time I've been back to Chicago for my friends to come over and hang out. My friends have come... 0 times. I understand that I live 60 blocks away and that they can't just walk to me but it is at most a 20 minute trip to my apartment any other way they come. They don't even have to pay and ride the metra. They can use their u-passes (something that I no longer have the luxury of... $90/semester... I get to pay $75 a month for my bus pass) and bring the fucking bus! I don't think 20 minutes is too much to ask of my friends. 

I've attempted, somewhat, to make some new friends but at this stage in the game it's nearly impossible. I've noticed that all of the upperclassmen/kids in my classes commute to school from the burbs. Apparently most people leave this school in the first couple of years and I am left with all local kids that don't stay anywhere near campus. These kids from the burbs not only live far away, but they are typically living at home and have all of their high school friends, or have been friends with the same group since freshman year and are pretty exclusive. It's basically impossible to make friends at this school when you are an upperclassman and are only taking two classes (neither of which are in your major). 

This isn't just some pity party I'm throwing myself. I'm just really bothered by all of this tonight after a friend gave me the whole, "nothing is going on that I know of but I'm down for anything" followed by, " IDK I'll let you know when I'm finished doing *insert stupid activity here*" after I invited her over to my place to hang out and watch a movie or something. Could you maybe have just manned up and said, "No. I don't want to go to your apartment" ???

So yes now I am sitting here in my apartment listening to music and refreshing my email and facebook and  couple of my favorite blogs just in case something decides to change since the last refresh 0.43 seconds ago.

I need some new friends. I've said it before and I will more than likely say it ten thousand more times.

If you are reading this by some random click of the mouse (which doesn't happen here), live in Chicago, and are 2oish years old leave me a comment so we an be friends. If you are a serial killer just don't tell me. I'm just that desperate.

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