It's the most wonderful time of the year...

It's that time of year again. It's warm outside, some days a little too warm and others it's just right for taking off the cardigan, and I'm wearing my flip-flops like they are going out of style!! Now with the wearing of the flips something else happens, something else really gross but it makes it quite clear what the weather has been like... After playing outside all day with David and Ellie I come home and do whatever and then go to bed. No shower at night for me. Are you starting to see where I"m going?? In the AM I just into the nice warm shower (as long as it's not tuesday or thursday) and what is it that I see when I look down??? No not my naked ass body... black footprints on the white bathtub!!! It's sandal season which also means it's dirty feet season. I've noticed that when I walk down the street I sometimes look at people's feet if they are wearing flip flops and if they aren't dirty like mine I get really pissed off and wonder what the hell the have been doing to avoid the gray staining dirt... JERKS!!!

Actually, similar to my drinking theories (if I puke before bed it was a good night!), I believe that if I come home wiht clean feet while wearing my flips then something is wrong. I obviously wasn't playing hard enough which also leads me to believe that I wasted the whole damn day no matter home many listening assignments or or home much theory homework I actually did. 

NO DIRT = WASTED DAY

You are stellar...

I am learning my first song on the guitar. The guitar part is really easy and is the same thing over and over but singing and playing it extra hard!!

"The Nicest Thing"

Kate Nash

All I know is that you're so nice

You're the nicest thing I've seen

I wish that we could give it a go

See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl

I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world

I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile

I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out

But you always wanna know what I was about

I wish you'd hold my hand

When I was upset

I wish you'd never forget

The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot

That you loved secretly

'Cause it was on a hidden bit

That nobody else could see

Basically, I wish that you loved me

I wish that you needed me

I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,

Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break

I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake

I wish that without me you couldn't eat

I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen

And I wish that we could see if we could be something

Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

I've been looking so long at these pictures of you...

This heart it beats, beats for only you... my heart is yours...

I know most people will beg to differ but sometimes I feel like I just give too damn much.  I can't put myself out there for anybody anymore. I can't take the stress and the highs and lows of getting fucked like this. I just can't do it. 

I've been listening to Paramore quite a bit today and not only is it making me think about things that I thought I was totally over but also things that are just starting to get to me. No matter how much I try I can't hate him. I can't stop wishing nothing ever happened and that he was as perfect as I thought. Then, I can't stop thinking that I just keep fucking up. I am lonely, my heart hurts sometimes and I know it's my own fault because I've made it so damn cold but I can't help the fact that I've been fucked a few too many times and I can't seem to forget about things anymore. I was mad at Addy for months after what happened on New Years Eve and tonight when Cat left to hang out with some guy I wasn't mad at all. I was really really sad though. Once again I was ditched for some guy. It just hurt a little differently this time.  

I'm lonely and sad today and then I think about how I am starting to make good friends here and it isn't helping at all. I just keep thinking that I'm leaving them all in a little over a month. I have started making more of a name for myself in the music department and I am leaving. Then I get to looking at how much Berklee is going to cost me and I know I have to have a Summer job. I got a phone call tonight and I was excited because it's money but I just want to be at home for the summer. I want to be with my friends and I want to go camping and swimming and have a fun summer before I leave for good. I just want to be happy. What if I hate it there? What if I never do any singing after I graduate? What if all of this money I have to pay back will have been for nothing? Why is everything hitting me right now like a fucking semi??

I miss my best friends. I miss Mike so much. I miss Sam too even though he is still ignoring me and I've given up on him. I just miss them and I miss that they always make me happy in any situation. I just miss home and I miss the boy I never really had and I miss the winter when I didn't have to think so much about everything. I miss being me...

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it...

-Ever given your all to someone who walked away?
Yes I have.

-Does someone love you?
I hope so!
-Is there someone you know you should hate, but you can't?
Yes. See the first question...
-Have you ever lost anybody close to you?
Extremely close yes.
-Is there anyone you trust even though you should not?
Not a chance. There are only a slim few people I trust.
-How's your heart lately
It's a bit on the chilly side. Kind of bored and lonely as well.
-The last song you listened to?
Kiss Kiss by Chris Brown and T-Pain
-Would you move to another country to be with the one you love?
In a heartbeat.
-What are you wearing right now
Pajamas!
-Favorite juice?
I'm a big fan of apple, orange, and grape. My favorite is probably pineapple because without it, a Bahama Mama is nothing!
-Ever been to Mexico?
Only in an Incubus song.
-Are you a forgiving person?
Typically yes.
-Are you talking to someone while doing this?
I'm on AIM right now if that counts.
-What school plays were you part of in elementary school?
I wasn't in plays until high school. Even then I mainly did makeup and costume work.
-If a bear attacked you, would you know how to defend yourself?
I would let it do it's thing. I think it might actually be fun the be attacked by a bear!
-Do you think it would be more fun to model or to shoot pictures?
I quite enjoy taking pictures!
-Have you ever watched America’s Next Top Model?
Yes and it's definitely not my favorite.
-Are you younger than 21?
Only by like 8 months!
-Do you like winter?
Yes very much so!
-Do you like fruit?
VERY VERY MUCH!!

-What are you excited for?
This weekend!
-Do you know someone named Dan?
Doesn't everybody?
-What do you currently want to scream at the top of your lungs about?
The fact that I have to go to my ASL class tomorrow. OH WAIT! I have been screaming at the top of my lungs all day about that!
-Favorite ice cream flavor?
I like sherbet of just about any flavor!
-Do you think that hair extensions look skanky?
Yes and No. Yo just have to know how to work it! and they need ot look super rad!
-Are you named after a grandparent?
Nope.
-Favorite pop-tart flavor?
Brown Sugar!!!
-Do you know anyone in jail/prison?
Actually, my brother is there right now waiting to be charged as a felon. Malicious destruction of police property... he broke the phone in the jail... MORON!
-What are your plans for the weekend?
Gordon and John, sunday breakfast, Clarke's, movie on Friday night with Kitty, and The Mars Volta!!
-Do you like the color green?
As long as it's the same as the grass!
-What book are you reading right now?
Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult
-Ever driven into the ghetto to buy drugs?
I have driven through many many ghettos but never for that specific reason.
-How many hours did you sleep for last night?
I'd say about 7.
-Milkshakes or Blizzards?
Shakes from Clarke's and blizzards/mcflurries from anywhere else (unless it's march and in that case Shamrock shakes all the time!!).
-Who's the last person that you felt was stalking you?
I don't think anyone has ever stalked me.
-What jewelry are you wearing?
Just the shit in my face and ears.
-If all your friends were going on a road trip, would you go?
OF COURSE!! If I was broke I'd charge it to my credit card!
-Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Maybe.
-Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
NEVER!
-What is the color of your bed sheet?
It's a pattern with light blue and light green and white.
-Have you ever crawled through a window?
I used to crawl through my bedroom window everyday after school when I lost my house key!
-What are you currently doing?
Blogging duh!
-Have you ever changed your clothes in a vehicle?
I actually have a major habit of doing this.

I am extremely excited for this weekend. Real update when it is over!

Beethoven's wig, Beethoven's wig, Beethoven's wig is so so big!!!

Last post... done. It is not just me that is being ignored. It is Mike too so that leads us to believe something is really wrong and that still sucks but makes me feel a bit better that it's not my fault.

Lollapalooza: I WANT TO GO SOOOO BAD!!! 

You're one with the best friend you lost you wish was still there...

Yesterday was a rough day. Today is even worse. I have this complex where I think everybody's away messages are aimed at me because it's happened many times before. I'm a bit paranoid you could say. So here is this away message which just has to be aimed at me because it references what I had previously said. The problem: It's Sam's away message. This away message is coming from my best friend. I tried to be fun with it and spammed his IM with messages about how I will just have to leave messages all day until he caves and I called him 5 or 6 times and left the same number of messages still trying to have fun with this. After nothing good happened with it yesterday I just quit and went to bed. I just couldn't think about it anymore. Today is even worse. I wake up to find a new away message saying to grow up and adapt and blah blah blah. Grow up?? I am certainly not the one who needs the growing up right now. Adapt?? To what?! To losing my best friend for reasons unknown to me? I started thinking about what could possibly be wrong? Is it because he is alone in Wyoming Park and I am here in Chicago? Is it that I am just moving further away and we may as well end our friendship now? I have no clue!! He obviously doesn't know me at all if he thinks any of this. Me, the girl who would do anything for anybody. If you, yes you anybody reading this, needing somebody to talk to or just to be with somebody I would be on the train this weekend coming to you. I am the girl who cared so deeply for somebody that I begged and pleaded and was going to buy train tickets every weekend to see that person. I care too much about my friends, especially Sam and a few others, to ever want to be less than friends. I don't want to separate and then see each other someday when we are all grown up and be complete strangers. That's not the way I work. In 10 years Mike and Sam will still be my best friends. I will know about their lives and they will know about mine. Jack will still be my best girl and Add will always be my sister. It is that way now and it will always be that way. Unless, whatever is happening right now screws it all up and Sam doesn't want to be my friend.

I'm just not sure what to do. I don't know how to handle this and I've run out of ideas since my attempts to joke about it yesterday were met with an even worse message today. If you don't want anything to do with my maybe instead of flat out ignoring me you could leave me a message (IM, voicemail, or text) that says Fuck You because that's what I feel like you are saying now.

Baby it's 3am I must be lonely...

Actually it's 7:55 am but I guess you get the point. It's early and I'm killing time before my walk to class. Yesterday plans changed drastically!! Cat and I got up nice and early for church and brunch and looked mighty cute while doing it! We ended up brunching at White Palace and not eating anything remotely brunch like. I had a Reuben and Cat had a Burger. Woohoo for lunchtime deliciousness at WP!! The meximart was up and running since it was Sunday and of course we had to go check that out. I bought a new purse and the both of us got new shades. Then we hopped back on the bus and went our own ways for a few hours. I came home and finished one of my lead sheets for my voice lessons and then headed off to this weight loss challenge thing I am now participating in. After that was all finished Cat and I met up again at her place and walked back to mine. We sat in silence for a bit while I attended a chat session for a project I am managing for my music history class and then we made dinner. We made mini biscuit pizzas (peeled the flaky biscuit dough apart, added sauce, pepperoni, and cheese, and baked them) and they were delicious adn then we watched August Rush. I sleep through most of it due to my previous night of no sleep and then Kitty went home. So... all day the only "homework" I got done was a little music history and one lead sheet... not enough!!! After cat left I made another lead sheet, made all my copies for my folders and for the student concert series and passed out hardcore in my bed at 10pm and didn't budge until this morning at 7:30. I feel refreshed. You are updated on the Sunday activities, not that you care, and I am now off to take, no KILL, a Chemistry test... this is just too easy!

We can drive it home...

With one headlight!!!

It's 4am and there are 7 people in my apartment. It's a good time, minus the whole can't decide on a single song to play for the past hour and a half, the snippets are getting old!! A little booze, and bunch of friends, and of course the fireplace DVD!! Woohoo! 

It was crazy warm today, in the mid 60s, and I did all kinds of fun things:

Walk to the bank

Reading at the end of Navy Pier

Lincoln Park Zoo with Ashley, Courtney, and company!

Dinner with the same group

Ice cream and Disney Scene It with Cat and Kristen

and finally now fun inside because it's just too late to be outside...

It will be even warmer tomorrow:

Church in the AM to hear Cat sing with her old choir

Brunch at Yolk afterwards

Walk along the lake for some much needed exercise

homework for the rest of the day

Even though the homework kind of ruins it I think the day will be quite nice. Also, Cat and I made an impromptu video blog on the way to get ice cream and it will be posted tomorrow ( www.youtube.com/krisandkitty ) Also, some new facebook pics might surface tomorrow as well as a new classified ad on here!! Stay Tuned...