You're one with the best friend you lost you wish was still there...

Yesterday was a rough day. Today is even worse. I have this complex where I think everybody's away messages are aimed at me because it's happened many times before. I'm a bit paranoid you could say. So here is this away message which just has to be aimed at me because it references what I had previously said. The problem: It's Sam's away message. This away message is coming from my best friend. I tried to be fun with it and spammed his IM with messages about how I will just have to leave messages all day until he caves and I called him 5 or 6 times and left the same number of messages still trying to have fun with this. After nothing good happened with it yesterday I just quit and went to bed. I just couldn't think about it anymore. Today is even worse. I wake up to find a new away message saying to grow up and adapt and blah blah blah. Grow up?? I am certainly not the one who needs the growing up right now. Adapt?? To what?! To losing my best friend for reasons unknown to me? I started thinking about what could possibly be wrong? Is it because he is alone in Wyoming Park and I am here in Chicago? Is it that I am just moving further away and we may as well end our friendship now? I have no clue!! He obviously doesn't know me at all if he thinks any of this. Me, the girl who would do anything for anybody. If you, yes you anybody reading this, needing somebody to talk to or just to be with somebody I would be on the train this weekend coming to you. I am the girl who cared so deeply for somebody that I begged and pleaded and was going to buy train tickets every weekend to see that person. I care too much about my friends, especially Sam and a few others, to ever want to be less than friends. I don't want to separate and then see each other someday when we are all grown up and be complete strangers. That's not the way I work. In 10 years Mike and Sam will still be my best friends. I will know about their lives and they will know about mine. Jack will still be my best girl and Add will always be my sister. It is that way now and it will always be that way. Unless, whatever is happening right now screws it all up and Sam doesn't want to be my friend.

I'm just not sure what to do. I don't know how to handle this and I've run out of ideas since my attempts to joke about it yesterday were met with an even worse message today. If you don't want anything to do with my maybe instead of flat out ignoring me you could leave me a message (IM, voicemail, or text) that says Fuck You because that's what I feel like you are saying now.